From One Reality to Another

   Wednesday March 5th, 2014

     I was unable to express my true gratitude to those whom I love as I was saying goodbye to them this evening. I was so consumed with being choked up, hardly any words came to me- or out of me.  I wish I had told my brothers what warriors I see in them. I wish to tell them how proud I am to be close to them, to have such talented, smart, creative inspiration so directly connected to me in this life. I want my parents to know how impossible the feats I’ve tackled would have been to conquer, had I not had the constant stream of love and support coming from them that they’ve always given me without hesitation. What brilliant light beings are they. Grandma, too. I want my grandma to know what a light house she is. She guides those she loves and encounters over troubled waters, through her unconditional empathy without even knowing it. Ohhhhhhh… and that man… that man I love who loves me too. That man whom I scale mountainous feats with. Who hears me and sees me and embraces every facet of my being and current personality. I could still be miles underground without his helping hand. I could be in denial of the possibilities of life long love still, without our partnership- which has illuminated all of that which our love is capable.

Soon, so so soon, we will all unite again to create a life together which supports our needs of autonomy, health, happiness and love more fully then ever before.

Till then, my task is to be as a sponge. To absorb every ounce of nectar that I can squeeze out of every situation filled with life’s never ending juice. I must take it all in, and process it, and send it forward for the betterment of us all: for me, for the girls, for my family and my love, for my dear friends and distant ones, and for every soul-spirit who dwells and will dwell on this Earth. I will do my part to be a shining light within this trying and, at times, dark experience that we all chose to selflessly endure. I love you, me. You… I…WE will fulfill it all. All which we are meant, which we chose ahead of time. We will strive to give and receive unceasingly so as to one day realize our human potential (and beyond) fully.

“I have a question….. When did we stop loving ourselves?”

Tuesday March 11th, 2014

     My entries seem to be becoming more and more spread out these days. Interesting. Maybe I’m finding peace in the present more easily and therefor don’t need to vent to this journal. Yeah, yeah, let’s go with that. 🙂  I’m currently on the green line. It’s the train we take from El Cajon to San Diego. A simple and effiecent transit system they’ve got going on over here, for the most part.

     I’ve been putting out more effort to hang with my girl Allie since I got back from TX, and she was so kind as to pick me up from the airport. She actually attempted to pick me up THREE times.Succeeding once. Ha. Her mistake on Monday, my mistake on Tuesday and finally success! on Wednesday. I think I am finding it refreshing to hang out with a new female energy that shares our values but at the same time has a different take and perspective than we three on a lot of it. She works in massage too and maybe it’s because I know that, but, I get a “healer” sense from her. I’ve been around Gerry, the manager of HB Industries where we’re parked for now and working out our internal engine leak, and he is a healer. Though he hasn’t been very skilled with empathizing lately. Perhaps he’s just been needing so much himself, that he hasn’t had much to give. Things have been topsy turby around here. With that in mind, I don’t mind. Us three are likely the only place he’s getting any from at all right now anyway..

     So while I was in Austin, I was talking to Austin a lot about how we are actually totally in control of these lives and what happens in them, IF we realize it, then we can manifest anything we want. It may not show up when or how one imagines, but it does show up. He was having some trouble believing me. So I took him out to sushi dinner Tuesday night, thinking my flight was Wednesday and that that would be our last hoorah. It was so lovely and yummy, but when the bill came, it was much more than I had thought it would be. I looked Austin straight in the eye and repeated, “Money comes, money goes,” and went to pull out the $100 bill my mom had gifted me. (Another manifestation story in and of it’s self). Then, BAM! I unfolded what turned out to be TWO $100 bills. I smiled huge and glanced up at Austin, who met my smile with a bigger one and disbelieving eyes. He knew what had just happened and so did I. Money was going, and so had it come already.  We laughed, oh we laughed, and he could hardly believe it. Then, as we were leaving, I received a phone call. It was South West Airlines letting me know I had just missed my flight.
In the car I heard this recording, and Austin saw the stunned look on my face. I hung up my cell and shook my head. Then I looked up and laughed, proclaiming, “Maybe the Universe knew I wasn’t ready to go!” When we arrived at ROOTS (his home, the co-op) I called up reservations to see what I could sort out. The lady on the phone quoted me a $350 charge for a next day same time flight. I was open with her and said, “Woahhh that’s expensive..!” She was silent. “How far in the future does it have to be to be under $100, because that’s about all I can afford…”  She responded with, “Next Thursday, at $135”.
“Hmmmm…”   I  mumbled. Silence.
“Well, it looks like I’ll be able to do a one time waive of the fee for you to travel tomorrow at the same time flight.”
“Wait, you mean, for free?”
“Yes maim, I’ll waive it this one time.”
I exploded with “thank you”s and then bombarded Austin with explanations of manifestation in the works. I ended up with the flight I thought I had all along! And I believe, it is because I BELIEVED it fully, and created that reality for myself! This is how manifestation works! It’s been happening for me left and right. I think I’ve turned Austin into a believer. 🙂  Or at least gave him a good start. ❤

     Gerry said something the other night which reinforced a concept Austin and I had previously discussed. He said, “Love is, or, being ‘in love’ is two people willing to show up and create it.” That notion helps me to feel soooo good about what Austin and I have. We do that! We show up and create it- together! Well… I show up most of the time… eventually. Now, is it this “everlasting” fairy tale situation I’ve been conditioned to search for? Not exactly, but what more could I ask for? We have this outstanding ability to create it in the now, and that’s all there is to know. There are no guarantees for anything in the future, so all I can even do is be open, and wait and see. The only things that could make it not work are time and space never running our lives parallel again, or someone simply choosing not to show up any more. There are many things I see that are going to keep us running parallel for some time I bet, as long as we’re both still willing to show up and create it. It being LOVE. All I can say, is for now, I am so showing up.  What unearthly reason could my fears come up with to make me think I don’t want to show up anymore? Surely I’ll find out.

     Ewww… yucky train sick feeling… No more writing for now.

That is all for now. Thank you all for reading. Thanks for living, loving and breathing.
Pura Vida
Natalie Sun At Water

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My First Reflections of the Trip

We left! Holy hell in a hand basket– BATMAN! We actually left (what we quickly soon realized was) our little golden bubble of open-minded souls in the south: Austin. I say that based on the observation that anywhere we go, we are a sore thumb, sticking out in many people’s awareness’ as unusual, eccentric, harry hippies… everywhere except for in Austin. I’ll always love you Austin, even if you are becoming a different place than the town I grew up in. Pshhhhh I don’t want to make that generalization! We’re only in Waco! But it was that way on our transport home from Arkansas after we bought Bessy, and on our way to and fro, and at, the beach of Port A. Anyshwayy, we shall see!

We slept in Waco last night in some parking lot near a diesel station. We had to wash cloth bathe ourselves with peppermint soap and douse ourselves in peppermint oil  in order to feel cool enough to fall asleep, but once I was in bed it sure didn’t take long. We didn’t travel terribly far, but it was SO worth it to me to leave last night- even if we were practically sleep driving during that 2 1/2 hrs of the dark AM. Yes, we left at midnight. We don’t do mornings very well…! Plus, we just had to GO! -As soon as possible… Take that leap. The first step is the hardest part… Seriously! …The universe is likely going to prove me wrong on that one… Ha. I’m prepared Universe!
This morning I got up, found a gas station bathroom, ate an apple, took Ranger on a walk.. It felt good, natural. It feels good to be on the road again. Then, a short jaunt most of the rest of the way to Tyler, to Brownsboro, and now we’re stationary again visiting Amanda and Andy (Jamie’s sister and bro-in-law) and their three hoodlums, for the weekend. It’s hotter here than Austin is right now, or was when we were there, it feels to me, but the mosquitoes aren’t NEAR as viscous. I get nervous when Ranger is around the kids, because he’s spazzy and thery’re spazzy and it’s just an all around unpredictable dynamic. Otherwise, though, he’s been doing really well. He hasn’t been overly friendly, but he has been pleasant with everyone. And not barking his head off, WHICH MAKES MOMMY CRAZY! .. Doesn’t make, my feelings are my own, but triggers the crazy deep inside!

Tomorrow I hope we’ll attach an awning that passed from Jamie to Amanda and is now coming back to her- to us- and onto the bus. Exciting! Fancy! Legit RV status!  Well… let’s be real, we’ll be helping. I’m sure Andy will be the dominant builder. It just tends to happen that way, when we have a handy guy around. (Handy Andy they call him.) They want to help… they have a need to contribute. Maybe they think we aren’t capable..? Maybe they’re not used to seeing women’s capabilities in that way. I’m guessing that folks aren’t used to girls women (wanting to retrain my lingo to be less misogynistic! We are women!) wanting to help do a physically laborious project, like that. I don’t like that generalization I’m making, though. I have observed a pattern. I will wait to see how it pans out and try not to have expectations or make assumptions. I’m looking for a balance between being real and also being in the moment and remembering that EVERY moment is brand new; a fresh start, for myself, the people around me, the world in general, to be improved, to be increasingly love oriented instead of driven by fear, and free of the baggage of the past, which is no longer real.

Yeah! Remember that, me!

I want to get some sleep.  I’d love really like (this isn’t love!) to get up bright and early and be productive tomorrow. There are always chores and projects to do. Actually, I want to actively rephrase that to: There are always tasks that promote well-being and projects that will help life on the bus be more pleasant to do.

This post is an expression of me, my experiences, my perspectives and my thoughts. I intentionally have included corrections of thoughts, language, word choice, mind set, that I noticed -in the process of transcribing this personal journal entry written on Sept. 2nd- in order to help recondition my mind to a healthier way of thinking and being than that of which was drilled into my habits by this society, the media, and  this materialism centered reality. Congruently, I hope to be an example for others, to show that it is okay that we are not perfect. It is okay that I make judgments and have these thoughts, these habits of perceiving the world from a place of fear, because they are not me. They are not the essence of my soul, which is pure and strives to live harmoniously with all things, but that was skewed the moment I was born and the conditioning of this world began to influence the way it (my soul: I) interact in it. It is okay that I am here now, because I wont be here tomorrow. And if I am aware today, I can actively choose to be somewhere new (in my mind), tomorrow. Actually, right now!

Pura Vida
May light shine upon you.
Light = Love = Universal Harmony & Peace
❤ Natalie Sun At Water ~