Wednesday March 5th, 2014
I was unable to express my true gratitude to those whom I love as I was saying goodbye to them this evening. I was so consumed with being choked up, hardly any words came to me- or out of me. I wish I had told my brothers what warriors I see in them. I wish to tell them how proud I am to be close to them, to have such talented, smart, creative inspiration so directly connected to me in this life. I want my parents to know how impossible the feats I’ve tackled would have been to conquer, had I not had the constant stream of love and support coming from them that they’ve always given me without hesitation. What brilliant light beings are they. Grandma, too. I want my grandma to know what a light house she is. She guides those she loves and encounters over troubled waters, through her unconditional empathy without even knowing it. Ohhhhhhh… and that man… that man I love who loves me too. That man whom I scale mountainous feats with. Who hears me and sees me and embraces every facet of my being and current personality. I could still be miles underground without his helping hand. I could be in denial of the possibilities of life long love still, without our partnership- which has illuminated all of that which our love is capable.
Soon, so so soon, we will all unite again to create a life together which supports our needs of autonomy, health, happiness and love more fully then ever before.
Till then, my task is to be as a sponge. To absorb every ounce of nectar that I can squeeze out of every situation filled with life’s never ending juice. I must take it all in, and process it, and send it forward for the betterment of us all: for me, for the girls, for my family and my love, for my dear friends and distant ones, and for every soul-spirit who dwells and will dwell on this Earth. I will do my part to be a shining light within this trying and, at times, dark experience that we all chose to selflessly endure. I love you, me. You… I…WE will fulfill it all. All which we are meant, which we chose ahead of time. We will strive to give and receive unceasingly so as to one day realize our human potential (and beyond) fully.
“I have a question….. When did we stop loving ourselves?”
Tuesday March 11th, 2014
My entries seem to be becoming more and more spread out these days. Interesting. Maybe I’m finding peace in the present more easily and therefor don’t need to vent to this journal. Yeah, yeah, let’s go with that. 🙂 I’m currently on the green line. It’s the train we take from El Cajon to San Diego. A simple and effiecent transit system they’ve got going on over here, for the most part.
I’ve been putting out more effort to hang with my girl Allie since I got back from TX, and she was so kind as to pick me up from the airport. She actually attempted to pick me up THREE times.Succeeding once. Ha. Her mistake on Monday, my mistake on Tuesday and finally success! on Wednesday. I think I am finding it refreshing to hang out with a new female energy that shares our values but at the same time has a different take and perspective than we three on a lot of it. She works in massage too and maybe it’s because I know that, but, I get a “healer” sense from her. I’ve been around Gerry, the manager of HB Industries where we’re parked for now and working out our internal engine leak, and he is a healer. Though he hasn’t been very skilled with empathizing lately. Perhaps he’s just been needing so much himself, that he hasn’t had much to give. Things have been topsy turby around here. With that in mind, I don’t mind. Us three are likely the only place he’s getting any from at all right now anyway..
So while I was in Austin, I was talking to Austin a lot about how we are actually totally in control of these lives and what happens in them, IF we realize it, then we can manifest anything we want. It may not show up when or how one imagines, but it does show up. He was having some trouble believing me. So I took him out to sushi dinner Tuesday night, thinking my flight was Wednesday and that that would be our last hoorah. It was so lovely and yummy, but when the bill came, it was much more than I had thought it would be. I looked Austin straight in the eye and repeated, “Money comes, money goes,” and went to pull out the $100 bill my mom had gifted me. (Another manifestation story in and of it’s self). Then, BAM! I unfolded what turned out to be TWO $100 bills. I smiled huge and glanced up at Austin, who met my smile with a bigger one and disbelieving eyes. He knew what had just happened and so did I. Money was going, and so had it come already. We laughed, oh we laughed, and he could hardly believe it. Then, as we were leaving, I received a phone call. It was South West Airlines letting me know I had just missed my flight.
In the car I heard this recording, and Austin saw the stunned look on my face. I hung up my cell and shook my head. Then I looked up and laughed, proclaiming, “Maybe the Universe knew I wasn’t ready to go!” When we arrived at ROOTS (his home, the co-op) I called up reservations to see what I could sort out. The lady on the phone quoted me a $350 charge for a next day same time flight. I was open with her and said, “Woahhh that’s expensive..!” She was silent. “How far in the future does it have to be to be under $100, because that’s about all I can afford…” She responded with, “Next Thursday, at $135”.
“Hmmmm…” I mumbled. Silence.
“Well, it looks like I’ll be able to do a one time waive of the fee for you to travel tomorrow at the same time flight.”
“Wait, you mean, for free?”
“Yes maim, I’ll waive it this one time.”
I exploded with “thank you”s and then bombarded Austin with explanations of manifestation in the works. I ended up with the flight I thought I had all along! And I believe, it is because I BELIEVED it fully, and created that reality for myself! This is how manifestation works! It’s been happening for me left and right. I think I’ve turned Austin into a believer. 🙂 Or at least gave him a good start. ❤
Gerry said something the other night which reinforced a concept Austin and I had previously discussed. He said, “Love is, or, being ‘in love’ is two people willing to show up and create it.” That notion helps me to feel soooo good about what Austin and I have. We do that! We show up and create it- together! Well… I show up most of the time… eventually. Now, is it this “everlasting” fairy tale situation I’ve been conditioned to search for? Not exactly, but what more could I ask for? We have this outstanding ability to create it in the now, and that’s all there is to know. There are no guarantees for anything in the future, so all I can even do is be open, and wait and see. The only things that could make it not work are time and space never running our lives parallel again, or someone simply choosing not to show up any more. There are many things I see that are going to keep us running parallel for some time I bet, as long as we’re both still willing to show up and create it. It being LOVE. All I can say, is for now, I am so showing up. What unearthly reason could my fears come up with to make me think I don’t want to show up anymore? Surely I’ll find out.
Ewww… yucky train sick feeling… No more writing for now.
That is all for now. Thank you all for reading. Thanks for living, loving and breathing.
Natalie Sun At Water